What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
