I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
