alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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