do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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