The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize