So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
