Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
