oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
