when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
