The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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