you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
