We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
