My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize