Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
