i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
