I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
