i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
