Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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