ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
vagina is talking i cant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
