Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
