then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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