Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
