Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
