i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
