she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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