im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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