It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
