I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
