have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
