the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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