if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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