pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
