hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sext me about skeletons
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
