with your own penis?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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