Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
