i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
