If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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