I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
