I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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