I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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