Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
