im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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