You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
