his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
