Define "chronic" masturbator.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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