Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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