I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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