Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
