I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
