I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
