If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize