well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
