Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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