Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
