u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
