I'm going to jail i love you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
