I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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