i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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