I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So apparently I’m into choking now
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