just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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