FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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