Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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