today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Drunk is not a location!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
