bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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