Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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