My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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