if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
