Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
