you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
