Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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