The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
not ubering you a puppy
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
