he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
