i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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