I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
