i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
