Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
