I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
