Can i not drive my cunt home
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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