i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
