In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
