Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
