farters have to be the big spoon...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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