My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
