Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
