I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
