I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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