i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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