he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I still have a little drunk in my system
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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