either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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