my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
