so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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