We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize