so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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