I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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