Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
